Denial is not a River
by The Lion in Winter
Summary: It is about Yusuke, choices and the truth of a relationship. Shounen Ai.


Disclaimer: This story is based on Yu Yu Hakasho - the anime series. I don't own any right to it. I am just borrowing. Plot is mine though I don't see any excitement in that.^_^ 

Note: Implied Shounen-ai. Don't give me crap because it takes too much to get angry back. You get this story before I upload to my site. I still feel bad about Illustrated Conversation. I am not in the Inuyasha mood.

  
PS. I am looking for a beta reader : Interested E-mail me. Cheers. Now go read.

  
"~ ~" - dreamy flashbacks/thoughts or whatever you call it.

  
Denial is Not a River  
By Emme 03/08/22  
Website : ATLSuite Fiction :  


  


Yusuke was lying in bed in his new apartment, looking up at the ceiling. The alarm clock near his bed began blinking 10:10 am. He moved his head to look at the calendar; the ones you get for free at the gas station. Each month had different pictures of baby animals; this month was kittens. The date was Saturday.

Studying his hands, Yusuke voiced."Will I remember this as the day I change my life?"

_Three months and a day ago, he had a plan of where his life was going._

He rubs his pajama top against his chest then lifts to look at the stripe pattern and colors.

"Was I was wearing this? Was I wearing anything at all?" Yusuke's face flushed smiling at the memory of the visit, then he frowned. He removed himself from the bed and went to the closet.

_Three months and a day ago, he was engaged and planning a life with Keiko._

  
Looking in the closet for an outfit he wonders, 'The blue, green or black top. I'll just figure it out on the way back'. He grabs the towel from the chair and goes in the shower.

  
Under the water, memories came back in full force. Yusuke moving his hands to his lips sliding over his neck and chest then over every part of his body he remembered from that one time. 

  
_Three months and a day ago, he knew that his life wasn't true._

  
He finished showering and the phone rang. He ran trying not to trip over the cord and grabbed the phone. "Hello."

"Hi. It is me.", a happy cherry voice.

"How are you doing?", Yusuke replies.

"Fine." the voice a little concerned. "You sound exhausted."

"Nah. Just took a shower and ran for the phone." he says truthfully.

The caller remembering the last conversation, "Oh. Didn't you say you needed to talk to me?"

"Yeah. Are you home?" he asks.

"Just arrived. When can I expect you?"

"Umm... A couple of hours." scratching his head.

"You sound different. What is it?"

"I just..., " he stutters. "I just need to talk to you alone, will your parents be there?"

"Everybody went to the movies, double feature for the same price." happiness radiating through the phone.

"Good. I'll see you later."

"O.k. Bye..."   


_Three months ago, he slept with someone else._

_He thought maybe this was just infatuation or lust and it would go away in time but three months told him the opposite. He wanted this person as much or even more than Keiko and he didn't know what to do. He was terrified. This course of action would change  
the way he dealt with the world and how the world dealt with him. Demons, ghosts, whoever and whatever could not defeat him but this... this feeling he had was scaring him to death._

  
Finally dressed with the exception of shoes he couldn't find, he walks into the kitchen to make a light breakfast considering what was bound to happen today. He looked inside the refrigerator and sigh, 'Well I guess it's cold noodles again. I really need to shop better. I can afford more stuff, but when you saved all your money just in case your mother gets on a bender... Well I'm going to buy... buy vegetables.' He laughs, "Naw, I can get those for free." Yusuke took out the cold noodles and reheated them in the microwave he bought last week, "Ahh. I'll never need to learn how to cook... ever." He laughs again. 

He sat down to eat and remembered his friend's visit. Yusuke scolded himself, "I must of look like a damn fool. One nice thing to say about me and I went goofy. "

_He believed he could ignore the emotions he felt for this person. He could continue and marry Keiko and live a perfectly normal life. It was important to him and the one thing he never had._

_With her, he could have children, love, stability and a home. A place to belong. No worries. A perfectly normal life._

He got up from the table and cleaned all the dishes. Looking around, he was surprised to find his shoes in the oven, "How did they get in here?" he grabbed his denim jacket and walked out the door, locking it behind him.

_  
He remembered the visit, he was sitting on the couch and enjoying the company of the other, laughing at the humor that came easily between both..._

  
_When he moved closer to understand what he heard, he felt lips on his mouth, one that he didn't expect but one that he wanted for a long time. His hands automatically wrapped around the other's body and Yusuke deepened the kiss, open and inviting the other for more..._

The breeze was blowing and the news said sunny skies all day. Deciding between walking or taking the bus, Yusuke looked at his watch. "I have about an hour to get there. I'll just walk and hope the newscaster was right."

_That was the other thing that scared him. He wasn't normal no matter how hard he tried and those feelings he denied combined with what happened three months ago can only in his mind lead to one conclusion. _

_Is maybe... maybe he didn't want it, this normal life._

_When he died he was given another chance. Before he was alone, now his friends were family that he would kill and die to protect. Before he was strong, now he is one of the powerful._

_He lived most of his life outside the rules._

_Why should this choice be any different. Whether he chose it or not. It was a choice he would have to live with, with no regrets. He was always honest with himself when he believed in something or someone, even when they lie to his face. He didn't live behind rose-colored glasses. His mother and lifestyle made sure of that. He saw the truth for what it was and even when his faith in it was gone. He still held onto hope._

'Boy, I sound like a stupid hopeless romantic. Still believing in fairy tales, Yusuke?' he thought, passing the last crosswalk to his destination.

_He knew he had a lot of disappointments and a few regrets in his life._

Getting closer to his friend's home, Yusuke worried and thought, 'Can we both survive this and stay friends? Can I stay your friend? Who am I kidding, I am about to lose my friend, a friend I consider a part of my family.'

_This was going to be one of them._

_It took approximately three months. The decision now set in stone.  
. _

Yusuke walking up the stairs when he remembered. 'This person still wanted me... I said wait... Give me time... three months... let me come to a decision... It was granted... I was relieved...'

_Yusuke made a choice._

'It was always there. The answer. The three months was only for the fantasy to end. The dream to die and to hold on to a friend that might not be in my life much longer. You don't give up good friends that easily no matter what any one thinks. It still hurts for both people.'

He knocked and looked at his watch blinking 12:00 pm. He heard noises from behind the door and waited.

_I love..._

The door opens.

Hello, Yusuke come on in."

"Hi, Keiko."

"Hey, what a nice shirt your wearing, is that red?"

"Umm... No, it's crimson... At least that what the store assistant says."

"It looks good on you."

"Thank you, it does seem to be my favorite."

Yusuke walks into her home.

  
*-*-*Fin*-*-*

  
Special Note:   
I like to thank Seeress for reading and imputing suggestions so I can put out a better story. I might still tweak this story because of tenses because I think I like this one. This story was inspired by another called "Bittersweet Ecstasy" by Shori Sutherlands. Read Seeress's Story "Reflections" part 1 is my site.

There is a possible sequel. Tell me if interested. Can you guess who Yusuke talking about? 


End file.
